yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
smell my finger.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
