So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
