When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
