Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
