Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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