Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
