You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
