Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
