Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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