so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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