Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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