Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
