Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
