It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
