Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
