then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
