dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
