please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
