Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Are my feet made of real feet?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Drunk is not a location!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
