All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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