And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
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