We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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