Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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