I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
