Soap is not a condiment
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
