You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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