Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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