Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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