Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
