Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
