remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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