we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Come see our sink grown plant.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
