you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
