i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
