aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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