If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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