I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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