i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
