i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
