Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
