I wish I could teleport
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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