you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
