She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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