i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
