Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
