I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
