i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
