Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
