i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
