STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
