Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
