And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
