We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize