he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
