guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
