OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
