Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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