if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
