so that wasnt chicken after all
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
