I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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