Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
