yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
